This summer, a reflection half way through

There aren't many things I love more than summer nights with Mike.  Anxious to have a summer full of adventure, I ceremoniously created our Summer 2012 Bucketlist.  Like always, I wanted to be intentional and wanted to plan, hence the creation of a bucketlist that now hangs on our fridge.  But instead, this summer has yet to become this glorious, unforgettable summer. 

You see, this is the first summer since mid-high school that I didn't have a full time job, an internship, or a wedding to plan.  I have a part time job as a nanny watching some wonderful kids.  But mostly, I have free days.  For the first few months my free days were spent reading books, meal planning, nesting, going for hikes by myself, and the occasional hang out with my little sister.  I especially loved being outside in nature and cooking and grocery shopping for meals.  These last two things were a process that I didn't want to rush, that I enjoyed every bit of.  Then things shifted.  I stopped wanting to cook, the first time ever that I've felt this way- I started craving more processed foods and meat (I eat 95% vegetarian), I started feeling stir crazy, and perhaps a tad bit unchallenged and uninspired.  I also noticed by present-ness slipping but it wasn't as though it was because my mind was distracted by plans for the future, instead, it was just simple distracted.  Our beloved bucketlist while it was never a checklist but rather a platform for fun activities started to become the first.  I was there, I was enjoying myself, but I wasn't fully in the moment. Looking back, I can certainly see how my photography has suffered as well.

And I still don't know what all of this is.  I am just letting it play out and trusting my mind's process even if I do not understand it.  I've gone through this state before and have learned about not trying to plan too much.  But this time, it feels different.  

This summer I do feel more rooted in Ann Arbor.  Right before I graduated, I felt uneasy about possibly leaving Ann Arbor.  I didn't feel like I had given it my all, that I had done and explored everything.  But now, I feel fully apart of Ann Arbor.  I know where to buy locally grown produce and I shop at three different grocery stores.  I am apart of their library system and utilize it twice a week at least.  I know Ann Arbor's parks.  I've been to most of the festivals and shows.  I've ate at many of the restaurants on Main Street.  I have discovered and enjoyed secret neighborhood parks.

I learned that our minds don't necessarily remember the big events or the bucketlist activities or the "should" things.  That usually it's the smaller moments of grace or spontaneity that take precedent.

Mike took this picture of the lilypads.

 

 These pictures document one of our bucketlist items, fishing. 

Be present.  Be here now.