Lent

Today was Ash Wednesday, the start of this year's Lenten journey.  Tonight, during mass I felt a combination of cleansed and inspired.  Cleansed from my sins and misgivings of the past year and inspired to try even harder to become a better person.  Lately, I've definitely been needing this spiritual inspiration, this reminder of God's part in my life.  

"We are dust and to dust we shall return" (Gen 3:19)

For me, Lent has never been about "giving up" something like pop or chocolate.  I never felt that those type of Lenten goals were for me.  Instead, I've always felt that it is more important to try to do something to become a better person, something that becomes instilled in you even after the forty days have passed, something that challenges you but becomes a permanent part of your being.  After some reflection here are a few of my Lenten goals:

1) 15 minutes of silent prayer each day, especially in the days when I feel overwhelmed and frustrated, the days that I need this prayer the most.  

2) Take advantage of the potential spiritual growth on my upcoming alternative spring break trip with my local church (and Mike) to Cranks Creek Kentucky.

3) Something I always need to work on, being less judgmental and arrogant.  Be concerned with only myself, look for the positive in others rather than looking for the negative.

4) Maintain a better balance between school and other life.  Lately, school has been absorbing my life to the point that it's starting to effect my relationships.  This is something I really want to work on.

5) Love more.  

The Freaky Future

Lately, I've been stressing over one thing: getting into grad school.  I've been researching schools, freaking out about my grades/GPA, looking into program specialities which all incur questions like this in my mind: Where am I going to go to school?  Will it be high enough along the rankings?  Should I take a year off and then apply?  Am I good enough to get in to my top 1 or 2 choice?  If I don't get into my top choice should I wait and apply again when I have more real life experience?  Can I ever get a job if I don't have my masters?  All of these questions and more remain lurking in my mind constantly.  Besides, if you're not proactive with your future then it will never work out for you and will end up with no job, etc...

Then today, when walking back from class, I felt a sense of peace as I realize: God has a plan for me.  I need to rely on more of prayer and less on worrying and research and let God guide me to the path that is best suited for me and what I can give back to others.  Maybe taking a year off to work at a non profit organization will benefits someone else's life.  Maybe I'll learn more about myself and grow as a person if I go to choice C school rather than choice A.  I feel like social work is my calling, but perhaps it is still to be seen?  Even though this is sometimes hard to accept, I need to work on finding the balance between relying on God and making my own decisions about my future.  I'm sure it will come together in the end, especially since God has gotten me this far.  

Relax. Breathe. Pray.