Paris & Me

What better to mark the passage of time than a Paris selfie?  I plan on taking a selfie every time I visit Paris, documenting how I've changed as a person and how Paris has changed me.  On my flight from Barcelona to Paris, I was stricken with grief that Paris wouldn't be as magical the second time around.  Oh how I was wrong.  This trip, I experienced the city in a deeper sense, explored more neighborhoods, watched people more closely, and felt most subtle things stir within me.  Paris had evolved just has I had, the newness within me found the newness in Paris. 

///2013///

First time to Paris, discovered the french twist, just graduated from grad school, naive about the world in many ways

///2016///

Same wrist watch, camera, jean jacket and claddah ring- some things don't change, more assured of self, experienced Paris in a deeper and even more magical way the second time around, glasses and first hints of becoming older

Glacier National Park - Camping

 

I remember being both excited and restless in the first few days of Glacier.  I was still amid an emotional detox from the school year all while having these beautiful experiences in the mountains. Juxtapositions all around.  It felt a little crazy to think one thing while feeling another.  I wrote in my journal about "the beautiful fragrant fruity smell of pine", an emotion packed scent transforming me back to my childhood at the cottage in Charlevoix.  At the same time, I was going through the early and true fears of being in bear country with both the pragmatic and emotive burdens that go along with it (at one point a bear happily ran across our campground while a mountain lion took down a deer in another).   Nonetheless, the wild started to bring parts of Emily that are lost in the school year.  Each individual experience started to bring little microcosms back: hiking up to glaciers, Going-to-the-Sun IPA, the best most simple chicken salad, cooking only with a cast iron skillet, the physicality of the adventure, epic sunsets every night, clean air, and wide spaces.
*Taken all with my trusty mirrorless

who I am at 25....

I am

..... currently a special ed math teacher and school social worker.  How did I end up down this path teaching children the one subject that I so struggled with in school?  Perhaps my love of a "fun challenge" or my people pleasing side or perhaps to just fund my summer adventures.  Perhaps a combination of both.

..... a now wearer of glasses.  The signs of aging seem to be popping up more as I've reached this 25 year mark.

..... the most ardent lover of bluegrass.  I cannot wait to get back to Telluride again this year.  Plus, my goal is to teach myself how to play the mando this summer as I have many technology free nights in the mountains.  

..... a lover of intentional routines and boundaries.  This past year was in a lot of ways learning some "grown up basics" as I like to think of it.  I learned I really truly need to set alone time to recharge my introvert self.  I created a "10 habit a day" routine with tasks that need to be completed everyday.  I streamlined my meal planning and became more mindful of finding and cooking short, less complicated meals.  Otherwise, I would be going out to eat because spending 2 hours in the kitchen after work just felt like too much.  

..... old enough to have authors that I love come out with their second or third book.  That I then eagerly stalk the release date on amazon.  

...... still a love of all things Irish/Scottish/English.  

..... loving that I am a Taurus.  My most spiritual moments with God or myself take place in the woods, mountains, countryside.  

...... perfected the most at home pizza.  

...... still learning to grasps the joys and struggles of cyclical life.  To have these big "aha!" moments which brings life giving awareness and change, to then 6 months later re-learning the same lessons all over again.  To be struggling over the exact same things.  Only to push through the struggles once more to enter into mindfulness once again.

...... still feel very much restless to travel the world.  Yet craving the roots of a well set home. 

(the pizza)

The Favorites

So far, this winter has been hard.  Some days I feel so gray.  Sometimes there is hardness in life that isn't simply healed by more self-talk or therapy. 

And sometimes the only things that provide the soul healing I need is laying in bed all day reading my favorites.  My favorites are the books that are dog-earred, sticky-noted, scratch covered, stained from years and days of re-reading and re-re-re-reading. These are the books (and blogs!) that reaffirm a life philosophy, remind me of better patterns of thinking, breath in encouragement, provide visual inspiration in contrast to the drab gray sky and brown trees, that make me laugh, sigh, and want to get up in a certain lightness and make that mango chicken curry right now. 

Today I did exactly this. 

Here is a photographic list of the favorites:

/Self Help

 /Cookbooks

/Food Memoirs

/Blogs:
-Aura Joon
-The Longest Acres

And after one spends a day soul healing through reading, it is important to get up, and dance to both of these songs:
1) Darkness on the Edge of Town
2) Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

Boule!

I interrupt your regularly scheduled programming to bring you: Boule! I say Boule with the zest of an Italian.
Baking.  Just one of the ways I feel connected to a more primal/earthy/cyclical life that in turn makes me feel more wholehearted and ME. 

...and this is the salad I made for lunch (on a tree stump).  This is the salad version of the best meal ever ate on top of the mountain in Killington (from previous post).

Me

Today was a true Autumn day.
All of the colors in full bloom.
The sky a little gray.
Exploring outdoors.
Soaking up the life of nature before it hibernates with the winter.

This is me.
Me in my most peaceful state.
My favorite self-portrait is the last.
I sometimes know who I am, but most times I don't.
I am trying to find the balance between the buzz of my thoughts and the beat of my heart.
Therefore, Emily out of focus.
One day I will be all in focus.

Old Birthday Pictures

Blowing out my candles.

For anyone that thinks my mom and I look alike here is evidence that the only similarity I share with my mother is our love for scarves.  

Funny Story:

Mike wasn't dressed for the restaurant we were going to for my birthday.  So I snuck into my Dad's closet and grabbed him the sweater you see in the picture.  Everyone knew that Mike was wearing my Dad's sweater except my Dad.  So we decided to see how long it would take for my Dad to figure it out. On the car ride there: didn't notice.  In the restaurant: didn't notice.  Eating dessert: didn't notice.  Walking around afterwards: didn't notice.  Well sometime during this whole thing, Mike cut his thumb and got blood on the bottom of the sweater, to which Mike was really mad because he was trying really hard not to get anything on it.  Well I threw it in the wash (it all came out) and had it drying on a drying rack in my room.  Later that night, my Dad comes into my room and says "Oh no, Mike left his sweater here!"

I have a blue dress problem...

The dresses.

This past weekend I purchased a total of three blue dresses.  Anyone who knows me knows that I love the color blue, in particular things with blue and white stripes.  So when I got two gift cards from the Easter Bunny it doesn't surprise me that some how (without trying) that I ended up with blue dresses.

It's always interesting to me that as people were drawn to a certain thing.  Before I was in this blue and white stage, I was in love with everything gray.  This gray stage resulted in several gray hoodies and t-shirts, all which look similar enough to the point of it not being necessary to have them all.  Perhaps it is a safety thing.  We know what we like and we become comfortable going with similar things.  Has anyone else gone through something similar?  

Nevertheless, I hope blue looks good on me... :)

*Dresses from American Eagle, Old Navy and Jcrew

Evolution of a ten page paper.

30 hours until due:

Enjoying the views out of my fourth floor cubby.  Views include: the president's house, the law quad and Martha Cook.  How much of my paper is done?  Approximately 2/10 pages.

26 hours until due:

Found myself a secluded leather chair in the corner of a part of the stacks. I've also found six book and am seeing what relates to my paper. Paper is five for ten.

24 hours until due:

Eyes are starting to gloss over.  No longer comprehending information.  Time for bed.

1 hour until due:

Frantically editing with Mike.  Making the margins smaller and the periods bigger.  

3 minutes until due:

Paper submitted.  Process starts all over again in approximately two days, but happy for now.

Thoughts.

As you may have noticed, I've been on a brief blogging hiatus.

Why?

There are many reasons.

Firstly, I'm amidst the final month of my junior year of college. I'm averaging two essays a week and about double that much of what I call, early onset senioritis. I've officially applied for graduation of next year (big step for me!) and have my senior schedule nice and neat for now. Secondly, I think my blogging ideals are changing. I want to find the balance between blogging about more light, superficial everyday occurrences and big, deep meaningful, heavy ideas. I want the blog to be almost an electronic scrap book to look back upon. However, I consider myself a very reflective person and I feel it would be untrue to me to not include the deeper stuff. I think I would like something in-between and I'm sure I will get there soon. So I'm viewing this time as some sort of a sabbatical. For the mean time, I'm going to leave you all with a quote that I've been thinking a lot about these past few weeks:

"Who you are is god's gift to you, who you become is your gift to god".

Life Update

This week has been a tough one.  Admits preparation for exams, papers, meetings and spring break I had my first stress induce migraine/panic attack.  Which consequently meant my first ride in an ambulance.  Mike was an angel, loving, caring and bringing humor into the situation.  I remember on the way to the hospital, me, Mike and the EMT practiced for our psychopathology exam by "diagnosing" what was wrong with me.  I'm fine now.  I'm just learning as much as I can about migraines and what in particular, triggers mine.  Seeing as though I go to the University of Michigan and along with a job, I'm guessing ....stress.  I'm partly going with stress as my trigger because I refuse to believe that cheese or chocolate (two of my main food groups) could be the cause of my migraines :).  Also, the EMT said that they often get students at the university's hospital with stress-related conditions due to the pressure of doing well academically.

I'm not really sure how all of it works.  I know that I have a rarer condition that goes along with migraines, which is sort of like a "pre-migraine symptom" where I loose good vision and my head goes numb.  I'm hoping that reducing stress and thinking happy thoughts will reduce frequency.  These past two days while studying for exams I've been feel some abnormality/symptoms (compared to before migraine)mostly throbbing in my head and dizziness. I've combatted these symptoms by treating myself (besides laying down) to more songs off the P.S. I Love You score.  These songs put me in the happiest of spirits.  

As far as what comes next, I'm looking forward to the rejuvenation of spring break and taking each day as it comes.  Also, cuddling.  Cuddling makes me very very happy.  

Finally, I debated about whether to say anything on my blog.  I hate being perceived as "weak" in any sense or getting attention for being sick.  I even refused to go to the hospital at first when the EMT asked me if I wanted to go.  I'm putting this on here because I want to remain honest about the trials and tribulations of life.  Life is no utopia.  It is my family, Mike, friends and people life all of you that help me along.  So thanks you all.


I guess this is a more sarcastic example of a "life is rich and full" moment. 

Lent

Today was Ash Wednesday, the start of this year's Lenten journey.  Tonight, during mass I felt a combination of cleansed and inspired.  Cleansed from my sins and misgivings of the past year and inspired to try even harder to become a better person.  Lately, I've definitely been needing this spiritual inspiration, this reminder of God's part in my life.  

"We are dust and to dust we shall return" (Gen 3:19)

For me, Lent has never been about "giving up" something like pop or chocolate.  I never felt that those type of Lenten goals were for me.  Instead, I've always felt that it is more important to try to do something to become a better person, something that becomes instilled in you even after the forty days have passed, something that challenges you but becomes a permanent part of your being.  After some reflection here are a few of my Lenten goals:

1) 15 minutes of silent prayer each day, especially in the days when I feel overwhelmed and frustrated, the days that I need this prayer the most.  

2) Take advantage of the potential spiritual growth on my upcoming alternative spring break trip with my local church (and Mike) to Cranks Creek Kentucky.

3) Something I always need to work on, being less judgmental and arrogant.  Be concerned with only myself, look for the positive in others rather than looking for the negative.

4) Maintain a better balance between school and other life.  Lately, school has been absorbing my life to the point that it's starting to effect my relationships.  This is something I really want to work on.

5) Love more.  

Winter Blues

The lighthouse in South Haven from Summer 2009.

Now that Christmas, New Years and the beginning of the Winter semester freenzy is over, I'm starting to feel the Winter Blues.  The snow is no longer cute or a novelty, now it's just dirty or slushy.  I am definitely not looking forward to the next three months of dull, gray folorness that is a Michigan winter (Michigan winters tend to hold out until the end of March/beginning of Spring). 

I've already started to dream of wearing summer dresses again, going to South Haven for the weekend and drinking sun brewed ice tea. 

So in order to treat (they're aren't curable) the Winter Blues, I've created a Plan of Action:

1) Study so much that I don't realize there is still snow on the ground.

2) Go snowboarding in the arb with Mike aka get a nonexpensive winter hobby.

3) Download bird noises.  Real bird noises are my favorite, they instantly make me happy, so I figure that fake bird noises are the next closest thing.

4) Have a beachy/summery background on my computer to "inspire" me.

5) Start my annual countdown to Spring- my favorite season.

Anyone else feeling the same way?  Any suggestions?

These are a few of my favorite things...

Think Sound of Music.

Ahh...a combination of favorites- a good book, trail mix and some free time.

Boxes, of the colorful variety.

My alive and still going strong Aloe Vera plant.

Snow covered courtyards. 

My new blue and maize ribbon headband from Mike.

...and these girls:

First Day Back

Yesterday, I woke up wanting to fight the world.

You see, break is over and I'm not ready to be back.

I wanted to be grumpy.

I don't like the snow, and I don't like going to classes in the snow, especially...

when I have all morning classes.

Gosh dang it, I'm still sick of school, my break was not long enough to rejuvenate me.

I hate starting the semester to all snow and all morning.

I didn't want to start the semester off working either.

I miss my family.

I miss my friends.

I miss waking up lazily with no real agenda.

Plus, I was no where close to being ready to be smart and hard working again.

And I keep on spelling "bed" as "bead".

Pfff.

But then I decided to be happy because Mike cleaned off the car and had it warmed up and all ready to go to take me to work.

A few minutes later, I got a text from my bestfriend Michelle saying, "good luck at your first day of work!" :)"

So I decided to make it a good day.  We all create our own happiness and decided our own moods.  And besides, who likes a Mr. Grumpsters?

P.S.-I really love this blog's resolutions.

I Believe

I believe...

I believe in when choosing a vocation, service is more important than making money.

I believe in a hot cup of tea when I'm sick.

I believe that simple is always better.

I believe in karma.  Not in the sense that I'm accumulating good in order to be reborn in a good realm, which is the Buddhist belief.  But always practicing kindness and goodness.

I believe that hockey is more entertaining in person than on television.

I believe in being weird.
I believe in soul mates.  Not because of fate, but because of choice.

I believe in learning, not education, but learning.  Learning transforms anyone who is genuinely interested in building character, gaining understanding and passionate about their subject matter.  Therefore, I believe your education is in your own hands.

I believe it's an honor to be poor and happy with someone else.  (Listen to "Free" by the Zac Brown Band)
I believe that no matter how much chocolate I will eat, I will never get fat from it.

I believe in family first.

I believe that it takes more than love in a relationship to work.  It takes love, respect and communication.

I believe in getting mail.  Always have and always will.

I believe in the power of a good book to make your day a good one.

I believe in not wearing make up everyday. 

I believe in not watching television if you can help it.  There are so many other great and/or productive things you could spend your time doing.  Besides, isn't reality tv mindless anyways?

I believe in country music and it's reflection of the true and simple human spirit.

I believe in reflective walks outside. 

I believe in something greater than myself. 

I believe in peace and accepting, not war.

Most of all I believe in God, love and happiness and the powers they has to transform people.

Please send me your own "I Believe" lists to empatterson55@gmail.com to be posted as a guest post.

Thanks to Cortny for the inspiration/direction of this post.

*Photo taken by Patrick Patterson

A New Year

Yes, I'm going to follow suit with everyone else and do a reflection/resolution post to end 2009 and to welcome in 2010.

Somethings I did in 2009:

Mike and I in D.C.

1)I lived in D.C. and had an internship on the hill.

2)I lived in Lansing and had an internship working with the homeless population and enjoyed it  much more than my other internship.

3)I started my junior year at the University of Michigan as a Sociology major and even added a minor in Community Action and Social Change.

4) A whole year putting up with Mike :)

5) Stayed completely alcohol and drug free.

6) Became a hockey lover.

7) Made some great new friends.

8) Learned some priorities and great life lessons.

Personal Growth Goals of 2010.

This is an interesting thing.  I know we always set resolutions or goals for ourselves for the new year, aspiring to start over "fresh" and "new".  After, reflecting back on a year to see if I've accomplished my previous resolution, I realize a few things.  Firstly, personal growth should not be a yearly thing.  I think you should be constantly reflecting back, judging your progressing, seeking better in every day to day life.  I personally get inspired at different points of the year, which help me accomplish different, smaller goals (personal growth cannot necessarily be accomplished anyways-its a continuous thing, eh?).

I know whenever I look back in my old diaries, journals, notes or letters I'm embarrassed to see the things and ideas I used to think.  Despite the embarrassment, that's a good example of personal growth, even if it has been a continuous, more or less than a year kinda thing.  I guess my point is just: it's great to have new years resolutions, but lets not be critical of ourselves if we don't complete them in such a time frame of a "year" and that personal growth is always continuous.

Anyways here are a few for me!

1) Get all A's this semester.  Hold me to it.

2) I know this is cliche but Mike and I are going to try to stick to a work out plan.  If I work on spiritual and inner personal growth, making my body more healthy should go along with it too.

3) To be more conscious of what I'm saying and how I'm saying it.

4) Working towards a continuous happiness and inner content.

5) All mentioned in this previous blog post.

6) Read more often.
7) Instead of looking down on others for their mistakes, treat them with positiveness and kindness because that's what they need the most.

8) Find and spread the positive.

The rest are private :)

What I'm looking forward to in 2010:

1) Alternative Spring Break with Mike

2) Backpacking this summer in various Michigan locations.

3) starting my senior year of college!

4) Volunteering somewhere cool this summer.  Any suggestions?

5) Strengthing my relationships and friendships

6) Applying to grad school woot woot!

7) Here's to whatever else is to come.

Here's to 2010!

Goals for Christmas Break

To stay away from the television, to stay off facebook and away from boredom induced eating...I have created a reading list!  My goal is to read all twelve books that I've selected.  This Christmas Break of reading is to bring upon personal growth and education, a source for lively, engaging conversations, and a way to "rejuivinate" the mind before another stressful semester.  Besides, there is really nothing that interesting on facebook anyways.  Here is a list of the titles I've selected and why I've selected them:

1) Time Traveler's Wife- I want to watch the movie, but I heard the books is better so I though I would read it before I saw the movie.  Basically, you always got to have some of that mushy love in the mix of it all.

2) Comanche Moon- A recommendation from a good friend.  I'm excited to get addicted to this author.

3) Celtic Way of Prayer- I'm interested in the combination of both.

4) Slowing Down to the Speed of Life- I've recently been interested on how your thoughts affect your feelings and what you can do to change it. 

5) Love and Summer- Love from the Irish perspective.

6) The Kite Runner- I've been meaning to read this one since my D.C. roommate came home with a used copy from the market.  

7) The Seven Storey Mountain- Recommendation from my father.  Spritual growth.  

8) The Art of Happiness- Embracing my Buddhist education further.  

9) Cheating at Canasta- Short stories, that I've already been secretly been reading. 

10) The Simple Path- Mother Teresa. Enough said.

11) The Ways of a Peaceful Warrior- Another book recommendation.  

12) Unconditional Love- Lately, I've been curious about what creates unconditional love.  How it comes about.

I hope to be doing a mini-book review for each book that I tackle with the lessons learned.  Hopefully, I get through them all.

Becoming "Enlightened"

Currently, this semester I'm taking an Introduction to Buddhism class.  Something very important to Buddhism is enlightenment.  Well one day during dinner, I started to think about enlightenment in terms of my life.  I have always secretly wish to become one of those beloved, gracious and wise women.  Someone that smiles at everyone, makes everyone feel good, and genuinely enjoys life.  Someone who's happiness and love radiates from every poor, a women who is "enlightened" to the splendors of life and love.  I am far from it, but have always caught myself thinking some of the requirements for myself and what I should work to achieve in everyday.   Here are some random ones, both deep and light hearted:

Note: I do not mean this in any sacrilegious way.

1) To seek the best in everyone.  Look past personal biases people pass on to you as well as be conscious of personal biases you pass on to others.
2) Find more reasons to wear dresses any day and everyday.
3) Have a bookshelf filled with great books.  Books that I can pass down to my family one day when they ask me about a particular subject or need more knowledge.  This goes along with being a well read person.  Read more Mother Teresa books.  
4) Be gracious.  Be gentle.  Be kind.
5) Have great, timeless playlists.
6) Know when it's the right time to give opinions and when it's the right time to let people figure it out on their own.
7) Have a little faith and have great faith.
8) Don't get caught up in your own world of doubts and expectations.  Learn to let go and live.  Free yourself from constant worrying and comparison.  Learn to not over think and over analyze.
9) Even when you don't feel like it, do something new or something that gets you out of your comfort zone.
10) Be humble.  Don't pass judgement on others.  Don't put yourself on a pedestal.
11) Find ways to be inspired.
12) Don't follow celebrity culture and gossip.
13) Listen to great music.
14) Always strive to do the small things for other.  Always strive to never sweat the small stuff in life, always enjoy the small moments.
15) Be strong and unshakable in my beliefs.  However, empathetic to other beliefs.  
16) Always consciously trying to make a difference in the world, my community or someone's life.
17) Don't get too caught up in tradition or properness.  
18) Rid myself of materialistic ideations...don't have any shopping addictions or obsession with one type of clothing like shoes or purses.   
19) Put my whole heart into things I don't like.  Put my whole heart into everything.
20) Learn to love and appreciate children. 
21) Integrity. Integrity. Integrity.  

What kind of women (or man)do you hope to be?  

Me & This Blog

You may ask, why a blog?

Well, this summer I stumbled across a magnificent blog, The Nie Nie Dialogues.  After reading and obsessing daily over every post I became inspired to create my own.  This blog is not meant to be anything specific, just a place to share my daily thoughts with all of you- and by no means do I mean to copy Nie Nie's blogging greatness.  Happy Reading!