Thoughts from Costa Rica

 

1) The healing properties of simple food.  We ate a lot of food made by our own hands but with local influence.  Soaked beans and rice with a fried egg for breakfast.  Papaya and pineapple smoothies every morning made by Alicia.  Real farm to table restaurants where the farm started on the other side of the wall.  I felt healing in my belly and a glow in my cheeks by the end of the week that the winter nutrition of Michigan has yet to provide me.  Even more remarkable, during my travels home did I learn that the Nicoya Peninsula which we stayed on is one of the worlds 5 "Blue Zones" where people live the longest and most healthiest lives.  Coincidence? I think not.  Good thing I snagged a Costa Rican cookbook to make Gallo Pinto at home. 

2) The value in watching the sunset or sunrise.  This tradition has held true for a few years now.  Good reminder of our lives connected to earthy cycles. 

3) It is good to get out of one's own time and place.

4) We create traditions and routines even on vacation.  We visited this bakery nearly everyday of our trip as the food was OUT OF THIS WORLD but also a perfect match in vibe for the Patterson family.  Mid-afternoon we always seem to be in our usual table, ordering our iced coffees and smoothies and pastries.

6) Embrace childlike spirits.  Have fun in ways you do not typically.  Be curious in ways that your everyday life cannot afford you to be.  On the ferry ride home, Alicia and I watched a group of grown Ticos vulnerably and joyfully dance Bachata and Meringue in front of countless strangers.

 

7)Younger sisters make you feel like you have older sister superpowers.  

8) Rest and heal as makes sense to you.  For me, it meant doing the opposite of everything I do at home: not wearing make up, not dressing up, being extra silly, allowing periods of quietness, embracing feminine energy and wisdom. 

This summer has been the best

It truly has.

I have danced to banjo music.

Climbed over mountains.

Traveled across the country.

Been back and forth through the Canadian border 3 times.

Reaffirmed my need for open spaces.

Have had 3 lake weekends.

My intuitive cooking has become more reliable.

Moved into my own space.

Built deeper, truer relationships.

Read with abandon.

Seen 4 shipwrecks.

"Rest and self care are so important.  When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve other from the overflow.  You cannot serve from an empty vessel." - Eleanor Brown

For me, daily self care is filling your "bucket".  But a true summer lived is filling the well.  To be replenished and nourished so deeply is to build a reservoir for your future self.

Summer 2015, thank you.

Summer Emily

We are now in the month of August, which is a "oh shit!" moment for me.  You see, I sometimes feel like I live my life as two people: Summer Emily and Rest of the Year Emily.  Summer Emily is really not ready to be Rest of the Year Emily.  Why?  Here are two examples from this past week.
This Saturday, I was at the farmers market chatting with my farmer friend Seth, buying all the colors of summer to eat.  Then, my Aunt Joni calls and invites me down to their cottage on the lake for the night.  Which I accept and enjoy pulled pork that had been smoked on the grill for 9 hours and topped with a homemade BBQ sauce with a homemade raspberry shrub to drink.  Sigh.  Secondly, today Summer Emily went to a spontaneous concert in the park with Michigan's own troubadour and spent 4 hours making naan.  Beautiful good food, friendships truly enjoyed and experienced, lake waters, and spontaneity. 

So simply, I am feeling the pressures to enjoy summer knowing that end is coming fairly soon.  (PS I know this is a beyond first world problem to have).

1. Farmer's market veggie frittata with peppered feta and bacon crumbles
2. Heirlooms: the summer tomato
3. Summer blooms

4. Homemade tabbouleh from Yotam Ottolenghi's Jerusalem
5. Echinacea admired during concern in Burns Park
6. Uncle Joe's raspberry shurb

7. Homemade naan with smears of ghee
8. Coldwater Lake
9. Pasta made on a solitary alone Friday night with a book

who I am at 25....

I am

..... currently a special ed math teacher and school social worker.  How did I end up down this path teaching children the one subject that I so struggled with in school?  Perhaps my love of a "fun challenge" or my people pleasing side or perhaps to just fund my summer adventures.  Perhaps a combination of both.

..... a now wearer of glasses.  The signs of aging seem to be popping up more as I've reached this 25 year mark.

..... the most ardent lover of bluegrass.  I cannot wait to get back to Telluride again this year.  Plus, my goal is to teach myself how to play the mando this summer as I have many technology free nights in the mountains.  

..... a lover of intentional routines and boundaries.  This past year was in a lot of ways learning some "grown up basics" as I like to think of it.  I learned I really truly need to set alone time to recharge my introvert self.  I created a "10 habit a day" routine with tasks that need to be completed everyday.  I streamlined my meal planning and became more mindful of finding and cooking short, less complicated meals.  Otherwise, I would be going out to eat because spending 2 hours in the kitchen after work just felt like too much.  

..... old enough to have authors that I love come out with their second or third book.  That I then eagerly stalk the release date on amazon.  

...... still a love of all things Irish/Scottish/English.  

..... loving that I am a Taurus.  My most spiritual moments with God or myself take place in the woods, mountains, countryside.  

...... perfected the most at home pizza.  

...... still learning to grasps the joys and struggles of cyclical life.  To have these big "aha!" moments which brings life giving awareness and change, to then 6 months later re-learning the same lessons all over again.  To be struggling over the exact same things.  Only to push through the struggles once more to enter into mindfulness once again.

...... still feel very much restless to travel the world.  Yet craving the roots of a well set home. 

(the pizza)

Imperfect?

 

Immediately after I took this picture, I thought to myself "man, why do my feet look so wobbly?"  Fleeting self-critical thoughts unfortunately often can be the norm.  

I've been re-reading The Gifts of Imperfection these past few weeks.  

Letting go of imperfection as a definition of self-worth seems to be a live long journey.

A retraining of the eye.

A learning of what it exactly it means to "let-go".

Can anyone explain that to me?

With that, I leave you with a rally quote:

"Perfection is a shallow, unreal, and fatally uninteresting." -- Anne Lamott

Fall Getaway Up North Part 1

Day One:
1) Stayed in a cabin in Lake Ann, MI that wasn't actually on Lake Ann.
2) Yay for lens flare.
3 & 4) Drove out to Glen Arbor to catch the sunset on Lake Michigan.

Something I keep learning time after time, is how beautiful my home state is.  That is often some of the hidden beauty about traveling away from our homes, living in a different context- even if for a few days.  When we travel outside of our home, we may appreciate the small things we often take for granted.  When we travel within our home state, we get a change to rediscover and cherish those small things. 

Sometimes I get anxious, feeling like I need to move away to a different state for a "grand adventure".  Most often, I keep coming back to the deep down feeling that I am trying to "prove" something.  When in reality I am looking for distraction rather than working hard for the meaningfulness in my everyday life.  Here's to being where we are.

Marriage + Work

 (Rose from Alicia's kitchen table)

Today, I was reading through my daily blog feed, when something in a post caught my eye, "…thinking a lot about marriage, and how our culture does so little to prepare us for the whole thing".  I found myself nodding silently in agreement.

I remember back when I was in the midst of pre-marital counseling.  Often couples would say "marriage takes work".  I remember nodding my head back then too thinking eagerly that I was naively up for that challenge while at the same time having no idea what "work" even entailed. 

A few months ago in the midst of some major relationship reflection, I disected marital work to be mostly this:

A good marriage (or life!) takes work.  They don't just happen.  Period.  It takes work to be kind, to keep building a connection, to work through conflict, to face life together, date nights/vacations etc.  I truly believe that true, deep love (way past the infatuation stage) is built on this hard work together.

1) Talks:  One of my coworkers who has a marriage that I greatly admire, advised me that her and her husband have always had very honest talks with a twist: in the bathtub with a glass of wine.  Through out their twelve years together, they have always pushed themselves to address conflict, grievances, growing distance in their relationship through these talks.  These talks have inspired their own personal growth, fought complacency and kept them connected. 

2) Both people committed to self-awareness and personal growth.  Find and maintain your own personal fulfillment.   Two healthier people make a healtheir relationship.  It's as simple as that.

3) Both people committed to basic everyday love and respect.  She goes out of his way to make his lunch, he makes sure to ask and truly listen about how her day went.

4)  Love is a crazy risky thing that does require some faith.  So it's important to own the uncertainty and risk, both personally and together.  To stick to that faith in the rough patches. 

5) Challenging/holding your partner accountable in loving but firm ways.  I think it's a bunch of crap when people say you shouldn't marry someone you want to change.  Change is SO GOOD for human beings, plus change is inevitable.  Sure, you perhaps can't change temperaments or larger personality traits but you can challenge your partner's choice in coping skills, negative thinking patterns or smaller habits. 

Anyways, I leave this saying I view all of the above as a living statement.  Perhaps I will find it necessary to add/subtract as I go on with life and learn to love better.

Fine Tuning Balance

Usually it’s a habit to turn on the radio first thing on my drive home from work.  I roll down my window, crank the country radio station as I turn out of the parking lot.  Growing up my dad would often say to us kids when we flipped the radio dial ever thirty-nine seconds, “you kids just need constant distraction”.  In some ways he is right, music certainly knows how to easily distract the head and the heart after a long day of work. 

But lately, I’ve found myself riding home in silence preferring the hum of a 16-year-old car.  I don’t think it’s a sign of my growing maturity of wisdom though.  I think perhaps music is a way that I “fine tune” the balance in my life.  As we quickly learn in our early adulthood years, the ebbs and flows of life are here to stay.  We go through periods of wildness, joy and finding but also periods of withdrawal, introspection, and searching.  With these inevitable ebbs and flows we humans search for the middle ground of contentment between the peaks of intensity.  I believe we do this by “fine tuning”.  One month you may be in that period of wildness, joy and finding where you find yourself grounding your spirit through the jubilant release of a full on music jam session to Keith Urban.  That release brings you down to that centered middle content poised ground.  The same goes for the month of withdrawal, introspection and searching- you may crave the quiet to give your soul the necessary peace it too needs to rise to the middle ground. I think of it as an almost full jar filled with rocks- the fine tuning comes from the small pinches of sand you add to the top to fill in the cracks. 

I found this poppy growing wild last night on a walk.  I picked it last night and was disappointed when the bloom slipped always through the opening of its vase.  I gently pulled it back up fearing I would loose a few petals on the way.  I came home today to full extension of it’s petals soaking up the late afternoon golden light.  I marveled in the simplicity of nature’s ability to also “fine tune” its balance between a need for light and dark. 

Balance like a clean house doesn’t come from the dramatic, drastic moves like quitting your job, picking up a new hobby, or taking a new yoga class.  It comes from the small subtle fine tuned adjustments that you must listen to and re-learn each new season of your life. 

The small extra alterations.  The simple steps. 

Question of the Day

Ladybug or Japanese Beetle?

January's Cookbook Challenge: Smitten Kitchen

January’s Cookbook Challenge: Smitten Kitchen

Well, I’m officially done with this year’s first month of my cookbook challenge resolution.  This month’s cookbook was Smitten Kitchen by Deb Perelman of the famous Smitten Kitchen blog.  Overall, I enjoyed the variety and the categories of the recipes—I liked being able to pick out some breakfast options, some meal options, etc. 

Of the 24 planned, 13 were made.  None of the 2 desserts picked were made (a cooking weakness of mine- why make dessert when you can buy a chocolate bar).  A few meals required fresher vegetables more apt to be made in the summer months.  I tended to more of the root vegetable, heartier meals to match this epically cold month we’ve had.

The following are my “keepers”.  With this yearlong challenge, I hope to respectably build my “keepers list” or recipes I define as “so good, they get eaten right away or the leftover never stay in the fridge over 24 hours”

Emily’s keepers:

Tomato- Glazed Meatloaves with Brown Butter Mashed Potatoes (Mike’s too) 

Ultimate comfort food.  You will be licking the mashed potatoes straight out of the pan.  The tomato glaze elevates the meatloaf to the next level.  

Sesame- Spiced Turkey Meatballs and Smashed Chickpea Salad 

Probably my favorite meal of the month.  I’ve been craving the chickpea salad ever since I’ve made—it’s definitely worth making on it’s own.  The salad and the meatballs pair perfectly with light and hearty.  Warning: this meal requires two Middle Eastern spices (Sumac and Aleppo Pepper).  If you can’t find them, let me know and I will mail you some. 

Mustard Milanese with an Arugula Fennel Salad (Mike’s too)

The first meal of the month I made.  You can’t go wrong with a thin, breaded chicken breast topped with some tangy greens. 

Leek Fritters with Garlic and Lemon 

Roasted Baby Roots with Sherry- Shallot Vinaigrette 

A great recipe to make use of all of those root vegetables we are left with in the winter.

Others:

Butternut Squash and Caramelized Onion Gallette (picture features a non-baked one)

Cheddar Swirl Breakfast Buns 

Would be a keeper, but cooking skill wasn’t there:

-Chocolate Chip Brioche Pretzels (Let them rise longer? Don’t use the egg glaze next time?)

-Shaved Asparagus Pizza with homemade pizza dough (Asparagus is a spring vegetable)

-Cinnamon Toast French Toast (couldn’t quite get the layering in the pan down right)

-Big Breakfast Latkes (shredded the potatoes too far)

Good, but not a keeper:

-Slow- Cooker Black Bean Ragout (would be better as a chili)

-Baked Ranchero Eggs with Blistered Jack Cheese and Lime Crema (would scramble the eggs next time)

Skills Gained:

Before this month, I wouldn’t bake anything.  I was convinced that I wasn’t born with the “baking gene”, that it was hopelessly beyond my skill set.  Baking became praxis for last year’s word “engagement” and this year’s word “self-love”.  We all have our own little worlds of self- disapproval, a little voice that criticizes our abilities, our words, our worth.  That little voice always told me baking wasn’t my “thing”.    With engagement, comes facing our fears and challenging our comfort zones – how big or small they might be.  I soon came to enjoy my quiet weekends and snow days filled with peaceful kneading.  It brought me back to an element of womanhood where dough was mixed and kneaded by hand in preparation for that night’s meal- perhaps inspired by my rural country setting.  Kneading dough is also meditative, earthy and full of simplicity.  A meal of our ancestors.  While I won’t be opening a boulangerie anytime soon, I am more apt to the spirit of a fresh lump of dough. 

I’m also not used to cooking with meat.  Ironically all 3 meat dishes were in my keepers list.  I am still a bit scared to venture beyond my chicken breast/pre-ground meat comfort zone.

Food photography

I found out what I knew to be true in my artistic heart- I’m just not that great for it.  Some dimension of its essence escapes me every time.  BUT! I’ve recently purchased two fancy napkins to up my game, so keep a look out for a little pizzazz next month ;).

A Second Life:

Cook some pasta or quinoa to go with leftover ingredients.  I made too much squash for the galette so I tossed it with some quinoa.  Leftover turkey meatballs went into scrambled egg burritos for breakfast, extra meatloaf was paired with toasted bread for a meatloaf sandwich.  I made a tomato and cream shell pasta because I couldn’t help but let the beautiful fat droppings from my turkey meatballs go to waste.  The beauty of a first meal, is that with a little creativity it often becomes a second. 

By the end of this month, I started to feel the combination of meat and baking dishes.  And when I say feel, I really mean feeling the extra padding in my stomach.  Good thing next month is a vegetarian cookbook.  Thanks for joining along, and please come visit so I can feed you (I’m looking at you mom)!

P.S. I tried to include links to the recipes but for some reason they don't show up.  However, if you google the recipe titles exactly as they appear, they should come up. 

Discipline- Reflections on the Road Less Traveled

Back in October, it started to get cold.  One of the adventures of living in an old farmhouse is the joys of heating your house with a wood-burning stove.  Back in the earlier days of this new daily chore (as well as the occasional day from then out)—I used to stay under the covers in bed all day for warmth instead of making a fire.  It was mostly due to laziness, it was easier to stay in bed all day than get up, be cold for 30 minutes and make a fire. 

At the same time, I began re-reading one of my absolute favorite books of all time: The Road Less Traveled.  In the book, M. Scott Peck offers a story of a young woman who came to him for therapy due to an overall lack of happiness in her life.  In one of their sessions, she tells him that she hates her work.  When prodded further she states that she spends the first hour of her work doing everything she loved, and then the last 7 hours putting off the work she disliked.  M. Scott Peck pointed out her rather than spending the first hour of work doing what she loved, she should get the work she disliked out of the way—allowing for 6 hours filled with work she loved after.  A lesson in delayed gratification and ultimately—discipline.  This story can be easily connected to my woes with fire making.  I can stay in bed warm but feel blah and unproductive all day.  Or I can spend 30 minutes being cold, and then be warm and free to move around the house for the rest of the day. 

“To be organized and efficient, to live wisely, we must daily delay gratification and keep an eye on the future; yet to live joyously we must also possess the capacity, when it is not destructive to live in the present and act spontaneously”. 

It’s just a reminder that both personal growth and joy often happens in our daily choices.  That by choosing discipline we are also choosing things like engagement, love, and personal growth.  That we will look back to a winter spent around a cozy fire filled with engaged moments instead of a winter season where we have no memories because we didn't make any.  Discipline is hard but worthwhile.  All I know is that even if I fail, I hope I always strive to keep choosing the fire.  

New Years Resolutions: Cooking

I like to think that I take New Year’s Resolutions fairly seriously. 

My last year of college it was to learn how to cook.  

.

That Christmas, I got my first two cookbooks, both of the famous Barefoot Contessa series.  It was there that I started to learn how to cook.  For the past 2.5 years I can confidently say that I have mastered the “fundamentals” of cooking.  I’ve gone from thinking the cooking world was overwhelming with all of these entirely different recipes to realizing that any dish starts with one basic (pizza dough, pasta, rice/quinoa/grain, soup broth, bed of lettuce, chunk of meat etc) and then you add the various vegetables/fruits and spices.  The latter is where that overwhelming difference comes from: black beans, roasted tomatoes, onions and cilantro added to a rice base is different from adding soy sauce, fish oil, sprouts, broccoli and water chestnuts.  I’ve also learned that smoothies in the summer and soups in the winter are a great way of getting rid of veggies and fruits that are going bad.  That homemade salad dressings and pestos always trump store bought. 

But after 2.5 years, I am feeling ready to move on in my cooking endeavors.  I’m finding myself wanting to dig into the nuances of cooking—the depth of flavors—the shades of roasting—the distinctions of regional dishes—essentially the “je ne sais quoi” of cooking.  I want to cook meals that challenge me but also make me savor every last bite. 

Harissa Barley Chicken from "What Katie Ate"

So in order to accomplish this, I have picked one of my cookbooks to work solely from each month.  To fully read all of the text at the beginning, to not “tweak” with my own alternatives, to go to Farmer’s Markets to get the freshest ingredients, to put full heart and soul into the dish.  Also, to really dig deep into my cookbooks—to go beyond their general prettiness and my go-to dishes. 

Here is my proposed order:

 

There is not much planning beyond that.  I don't want to pick a certain number of recipes to cook each month only to feel stressed when I haven't come anywhere close.  However, I will be cooking a few breakfasts, meals and several baking items.  My hopes is to gain that fine detail and finesse as well as explore styles and eat well.  

A New Years Eve Resolution Update

As we near the end of a year, I want to do an update on my new year’s resolution to “engage”.  As I reflected through out the year, I realized that like most things in life, engagement happens in layers of complexity.  I want to start off my addressing the surface layer: physical engagement. 

I started out the year with a challenge in physical engagement.  For many years of my life, I choose laziness or fear over actively being involved.  Although, when I look at it on a deeper level, perhaps I was afraid of the necessary vulnerability to engage in these pursuits.  So as of January 1^st, I decided to say, “yes” to all that came my way.  In Florida during Christmas break, I made a few simple choices of going kayaking with my sister instead of staying behind on the beach.  While kayaking I even allowed myself to paddle up to a few boat wrecks around the coves (shipwrecks are my number one fear in life—just as me about the Titanic).  A few days later thanks to my little sister, I was para sailing upside down over the ocean. 

 In Paris, I conquered more fears by dining in the Eiffel tower and climbing to the top of the arc de triumph. 

The view from the top.

In August, I did a series of 9 different zip lines down a mountain, and white water rafting (all with my lovely already adventurous family).

 

 

And then a few weeks ago, I got the chance to do a 30 foot high ropes course with some of my students.  My fellow social worker in a moment of panic climbed immediately back down the ladder as soon as she got up.  In the back of my mind, I was thinking how she just gave me the perfect out.  But somewhere deep down knew that I had to say yes to this one big final challenge: a graduation assignment of sorts.  

 

Lessons learned:

1) Adventure not only takes courage, but vulnerability.

2) I truly now believe that the anticipatory anxiety is worse than the actual event itself.  A true testament to the power of the human mind.   Thinking about climbing that 30 foot ladder was worse than walking on skinny pieces of rope 30 feet up in the air.  

3) Being a "doer" in life is so worth it.  I truly believe that individuals that continuously say yes to the next adventure, challenge, or opportunity growth live the most meaningful lives.