The Favorites

So far, this winter has been hard.  Some days I feel so gray.  Sometimes there is hardness in life that isn't simply healed by more self-talk or therapy. 

And sometimes the only things that provide the soul healing I need is laying in bed all day reading my favorites.  My favorites are the books that are dog-earred, sticky-noted, scratch covered, stained from years and days of re-reading and re-re-re-reading. These are the books (and blogs!) that reaffirm a life philosophy, remind me of better patterns of thinking, breath in encouragement, provide visual inspiration in contrast to the drab gray sky and brown trees, that make me laugh, sigh, and want to get up in a certain lightness and make that mango chicken curry right now. 

Today I did exactly this. 

Here is a photographic list of the favorites:

/Self Help

 /Cookbooks

/Food Memoirs

/Blogs:
-Aura Joon
-The Longest Acres

And after one spends a day soul healing through reading, it is important to get up, and dance to both of these songs:
1) Darkness on the Edge of Town
2) Sprawl II (Mountains Beyond Mountains)

Telluride, CO Part 1

I'm still dreaming about this magical little mountain town.  

 So, the story of my love for Colorado starts about 10 years ago when we first visited as a family.  I remember it being my first introduction to a Subaru and decidedly knowing that I would own one once I got older.  I remember the enchanting mountain towns where nature met culture met laid back vibes.  Ever since then I have wanted to move back or visit and this post confirms it.  

A few hours after getting off the plane, I was hiking my first hike up to Hanging Lake.  And man, a combination of altitude + being not in the greatest shape made for a semi-pitiful climb/walk/hike.  But to be surrounded by mountains and to breath in that fresh mountain air....

 The total hour trip from Denver to Telluride was about six hours.  Passing all of the mountain ranges- 14'ers, San Juan, Grand Mesa- made it so worth it.  It was amazing to see how in a matter of 30 minutes snow topped alpine peaks replaced with reddish brown mountains with desert vegetation. 

Once we got there, we set up campsite at the high school (the quiet/family campsite) and headed into town for pizza at the Brown Dog.  The Brown Dog quickly felt like home due to all of the University of Michigan memorabilia on the walls as well as "Detroit" style pizza being served.  Which for the record, was news to me- I had no idea Detroit had their own style.  But I guess wherever you go, Go Blue! ;)

One of my favorite parts about vacation, is developing a new routine in a new place.  For me, I loved the routine of waking up every morning- breathing in the morning air, making breakfast, packing lunch, then wrestling my crazy tent hair.  After, we would make the walk down to the festival grounds through main street. 

The view from the campsite.

Walking around downtown:

Sometimes I felt like I was back in India will all of the awesome prayer flags.

Munchin on my morning croissant.

 

I also spied on dream houses:

Marriage + Work

 (Rose from Alicia's kitchen table)

Today, I was reading through my daily blog feed, when something in a post caught my eye, "…thinking a lot about marriage, and how our culture does so little to prepare us for the whole thing".  I found myself nodding silently in agreement.

I remember back when I was in the midst of pre-marital counseling.  Often couples would say "marriage takes work".  I remember nodding my head back then too thinking eagerly that I was naively up for that challenge while at the same time having no idea what "work" even entailed. 

A few months ago in the midst of some major relationship reflection, I disected marital work to be mostly this:

A good marriage (or life!) takes work.  They don't just happen.  Period.  It takes work to be kind, to keep building a connection, to work through conflict, to face life together, date nights/vacations etc.  I truly believe that true, deep love (way past the infatuation stage) is built on this hard work together.

1) Talks:  One of my coworkers who has a marriage that I greatly admire, advised me that her and her husband have always had very honest talks with a twist: in the bathtub with a glass of wine.  Through out their twelve years together, they have always pushed themselves to address conflict, grievances, growing distance in their relationship through these talks.  These talks have inspired their own personal growth, fought complacency and kept them connected. 

2) Both people committed to self-awareness and personal growth.  Find and maintain your own personal fulfillment.   Two healthier people make a healtheir relationship.  It's as simple as that.

3) Both people committed to basic everyday love and respect.  She goes out of his way to make his lunch, he makes sure to ask and truly listen about how her day went.

4)  Love is a crazy risky thing that does require some faith.  So it's important to own the uncertainty and risk, both personally and together.  To stick to that faith in the rough patches. 

5) Challenging/holding your partner accountable in loving but firm ways.  I think it's a bunch of crap when people say you shouldn't marry someone you want to change.  Change is SO GOOD for human beings, plus change is inevitable.  Sure, you perhaps can't change temperaments or larger personality traits but you can challenge your partner's choice in coping skills, negative thinking patterns or smaller habits. 

Anyways, I leave this saying I view all of the above as a living statement.  Perhaps I will find it necessary to add/subtract as I go on with life and learn to love better.

A Dream Confirmed

Today, I got the confirmation that I've been waiting for all of my life.  It wasn't that I got into graduate school, it is that I have a confirmed calling, vocation, life path set before me.  I now know what I am going to be when I grow up. :)  Getting into graduate school was just the confirmation, a means to make it happen.  Immediately after I found out, I was just inclined to feel humbled, blessed, grateful.  All of the good things and accomplishments in my life have been a product of the people in my life.  So like a cliched award speech, I want to thank the people that have made this all possible.

Foremost, my wonderful parents and the great example of a life dedicated to serving the poor, the hungry, the mentally ill, the unloved, etc that they have shown me through their raising of me as well as in the professional lives.  It made me tear up today to think of myself getting the privilege of getting to continue the "family business".  Also, on a greater level, for supporting me in whatever interest, passion, vocation I choose and fostering it into something greater.

Mike.  For shaping me into the person that could be a social worker and opening my mind to my greater talents and passion in life.  There were many conversations I remember freshman year and the summer after, talking to Mike about what I was called to do and what "wrong" with politics for me.  He has always shown me great excitement with me being a social worker.  And this leads me to the last thing, I am fortunate that I am marrying a man who is capable and will do an outstanding job of being married to a social worker.  From what I've heard, it's not always an easy job, so thanks Mike.

Alicia.  A lot of what you've done for me goes along with what Mike has done for me.  Shown me positive regard and encouragement.  You've stayed up late looking at my terrible grad school essays and fixing them until they were cohesive and never once did you complain.

My best friend.  For always having faith in me even when I didn't and singing the song in my heart when I couldn't hear it.  For believing that I am worthy to become a social worker.

Lauren, & other friends and family: Thanks for all the love, prayers, random fb chats and encouragement.

My UM education- for opening and challenging my mind to all things social justice and humanity related.

God. -Everything, but mostly, thanks for answering my prayers.

On the future and photography

“My business is to create. It doesn’t even matter what you do.”

This quote has been stuck in my mind a lot recently.  The quote comes from a scene in the movie P.S. I Love You when Gerry first meets Holly.  In this scene, she is explaining her passion to create things, art, anything.  

Lately, all I want to do is create too.  In classes that I am supposed to be interested in, I find myself playing with photoshop or looking up photography things.  For a class project, I felt that I could contribute by making the brochure much more than creating the business plan.  My dad always told me (including in my college and career) to never forget or deny my creative side.  Going into college and since being in college, I never have given much thought to art as anything more than a hobby.  Jobs are not sustainable with an art degree.  I told myself that I have to do something practical with my life.  Recently, I've been very fulfilled with photography.  Actually, I've always got much joy from photography.  However, I am not sure of it's role in my life.  I am a interested, passionate amateur with much to learn and understand.  I know this for sure.  Also, this is the first time that I don't feel a) totally mediocre at something (I usually am) and b) something I can spend hours and hours learning more about and so driven and passionate about becoming better.  Sure,  a lot of times I have things I am interested in, but usually the interest comes and goes in spurts or only lasts for a small duration.  Actually, its a great experience for me, because I  never could understand how my sister could be so excited about running 12 miles or about buying a new pair of running shoes.  To me, buying a slave flash brings the same giddy and obsessive feelings.  This is when I knew it wasn't a run of the mill type of interest.  


Anyways, here is what I do know:
1) Creating/making/art is a true passion.  Not just something I say I am passionate about on a B.S. admissions essay.  Something I can't let go of.  Something I believe in.  
2) Keeping it as a hobby is comfortable. Getting paid for it brings a whole other element that I'm not sure I want (ie responsibility, business aspect).  Am I meant to only be a mom who takes excellent pictures of her children? 
3) I am such a amateur, novice, inexperienced enthusiast.  
4) I am leaving this up to God to show me the way, even if I am not ready for the answer...but am willing.  Lately, new jobs have been presenting themselves.  I don't know if that's God already showing me.  
Any thoughts, guidance?  I am willing and open.  

Balance?

As I am already starting to feel waves of panic and stress in my second week of being back to school, I ask myself "how the heck do I end up already being in this state of life?".  I catch myself constantly wanting to be back in my apartment or finding excuses to stay in my bed instead of going to pre-planned activities.  I've realized with each activity or commitment I take on, the less time I have being a homebody.  Which is something else I've learned about myself since being in college.  I am a complete 100% homebody.  I love sitting in my bed watching the way the light from my window dances around on my walls, something I think only a complete homebody takes delight in.  I actually find it to be some of my most cherished "quality moments".  And with regards to "quality moments", I go through each day rating on whether it was quality or not.  My constant, frantic walks to the next class that is 10 minutes after my last thing = not quality.  I despise these walks where it feels like I am always running to the next thing trying my hardest not to be late.  Never enjoying my time to walk at a normal pace and taking time to enjoy the students, scenery and squirrels.  My classes =usually not quality.  I often find it hard to stay engaged, interested or doing the nod off sleeping thing.  Making dinner for myself? Quality.  Talks or sharing tea with my sisters? Quality.  Two hours in my bed enjoying light patterns and Allison Krauss? Quality.  Just having Mike present.  Quality.  And to me I find it quite ironic that I'm completely engaged in my two hours of mindless peace in by room rather than the mindful lectures I sit in on each day. 

The evil little black book that is my planner.

Regardless, I am struggling for the balance.  I don't feel like I'm making enough time in my life for the things I should be prioritizing like friendships and family.  I realized today that I haven't connected with my best friend Cortny for nearly two weeks now.  I found myself feeling like a bad friend because I was so out of connectedness with her and some of my other dear friends.  And as far as Mike, I always think that we will beast through all the busyness and obligations and then just play catch up when we can, because I will always have Mike when I wont always have this volunteering meeting therefore meeting is more important than Mike.  Wrong.  I  then want to come home each day feeling as though I've accomplished something, as a newer, smarter more enlightened being....To find the balance between love, work, school, family, friends, inner happiness, hobbies, activities, bettering yourself as a person, to eat healthy, wedding planning, graduate school applications and enjoying my senior year. 

All of this connects to something my friend Ellie and I were discussing today after class.  This sort of lifestyle seems to make your life pass like a blur while you have the mindset that it will die down in a few weeks or so whenever it never does.  We seem to get too caught up in the future or in our busy lives to be present.  Emily Dickinson once said "Forever is composed of nows".  This is so true.  I certainly do not want to look back at my life and just see it as one big hectic, busy mess.  So how the heck do you do avoid this while striking the balance between having life plans? 

I have way too many little black notebooks devoted lists and future plans.

Here are some of my proposed solutions.  Firstly, I have found that when you schedule things right on top of each other, you tend to feel more scheduled.  Therefore, schedule things with sometime in-between to enjoy the commute or downtime.  This also takes on a quality vs. quantity theme.  Additionally, for example, when you go home and then instead of enjoying time with your family you plan all of these different things like doctors and hair appointments and hang outs with random high school friends because you feel like you need to cram it all in that little visit just to make the visit convenient.  Once again, quality vs. quantity.  Then, I'm trying to not feel the need to text back right away or get mad when people don't text me back with the same urgency. I am trying to pray more often during the times I feel frustrated and just give it up to God and let him guide my future plans.  I am trying to decrease my people-pleasing tendencies and focus on my important peeps.  And as far as Mike goes, we have been doing a five finger exercise each night where we each have to tell the other five things about our days that the other person didn't already know.  They serve as good decision points and way to stay connected.  I additionally am starting to believe we need to start scheduling a date night.  This makes me sad that we have to "schedule" time for one another but I know if we don't we will just end up always being frustrated, fighting, miscommunicating and making up time when we can.

One last thought: I watched this video today and it gave me some much needed perspective on life priorities.

Dad's Graduation

Cue "Pomp and Circumstance"..

Five reasons my dad got another Masters:

1) He likes degrees.

2) He's graduated from both Michigan State University and Notre Dame University.  All he needs to do is get his PhD from Ohio State University and he's attended every single one of my schools' rivals.

3) To get a gold alumni coin made from Notre Dame's famous golden dome.

4) To be able to look like a wizard for a day with a robe with wings and a hood.

5) To get an education that is applicable to his current job that will help him further save the world (he runs a non profit agency called VOA.)

Love you dad!  Maybe one day I'll have more degrees than you!

Silly Sisters

2 Sisters +

1 Milkshake

= Sister Silliness 

The Journey

Something I ponder quite frequently is the jouney of life, especially around the time of major rites of passages.  When does the journey begin?  Where does it start? At birth? High school graduation? College graduation? Marriage?  Children?  When do we become a "real person" (as many college graduates say)?


As I've gone on in my life, I've always been excited for the next rite of passage.  I always would visualize that life passage as the "start" of my journey.  I always watch in envy as cousins graduated, got married and had kids.  Even as a child, I was excited to go to the next school, for the next teacher, always excited for what the future was held. 


As a high school senior, I believed that high school graduation marked the beginning of adulthood.  I believed that would start my experience in the "real world".  However, since being in college my outlook has changed.  Currently, I view my journey starting May 1, 2011 when I become an alumni (and "real person") of The University of Michigan. 


To at what point do we stop looking to the future and let the journey begin? 

"And I felt at last that my journey was started. I think I hadn't really believed in it before"

-- J. Steinbeck

"Up North"

One of the amazing things about living in Michigan is going "Up North".  That is a term us Michiganders use to refer to the upper parts of the lower penninsula of Michigan as well as the entire upper penninsula.  Even the culture/environment/landscape of being "Up North" is different.  In fact, I live (my hometown) about 15 miles away from this change.  The majority of Michiganders live in the south Michigan. 

Morgan's cottage last summer.

Anyways, when you're "Going Up North" it means you're usually going to someone's cottage on a lake, to a campground, going hunting/fishing, etc.  Michigan is not only surrounded by lakes but is filled with them too.  Well, this weekend I have the pleasure of going Up North with my best friends + Mike to one of my friend's cottages.  It is safe to say this weekend will be filled with lazy days out on the lake, pantoons, jet skis, tubing, fireworks, lots of hamburgers and bonfires.  There is nothing better then spending a weekend with your best friends, laying out in the sun in all of the Michigan beauty. 

The beautiful lake.

Life Update

This week has been a tough one.  Admits preparation for exams, papers, meetings and spring break I had my first stress induce migraine/panic attack.  Which consequently meant my first ride in an ambulance.  Mike was an angel, loving, caring and bringing humor into the situation.  I remember on the way to the hospital, me, Mike and the EMT practiced for our psychopathology exam by "diagnosing" what was wrong with me.  I'm fine now.  I'm just learning as much as I can about migraines and what in particular, triggers mine.  Seeing as though I go to the University of Michigan and along with a job, I'm guessing ....stress.  I'm partly going with stress as my trigger because I refuse to believe that cheese or chocolate (two of my main food groups) could be the cause of my migraines :).  Also, the EMT said that they often get students at the university's hospital with stress-related conditions due to the pressure of doing well academically.

I'm not really sure how all of it works.  I know that I have a rarer condition that goes along with migraines, which is sort of like a "pre-migraine symptom" where I loose good vision and my head goes numb.  I'm hoping that reducing stress and thinking happy thoughts will reduce frequency.  These past two days while studying for exams I've been feel some abnormality/symptoms (compared to before migraine)mostly throbbing in my head and dizziness. I've combatted these symptoms by treating myself (besides laying down) to more songs off the P.S. I Love You score.  These songs put me in the happiest of spirits.  

As far as what comes next, I'm looking forward to the rejuvenation of spring break and taking each day as it comes.  Also, cuddling.  Cuddling makes me very very happy.  

Finally, I debated about whether to say anything on my blog.  I hate being perceived as "weak" in any sense or getting attention for being sick.  I even refused to go to the hospital at first when the EMT asked me if I wanted to go.  I'm putting this on here because I want to remain honest about the trials and tribulations of life.  Life is no utopia.  It is my family, Mike, friends and people life all of you that help me along.  So thanks you all.


I guess this is a more sarcastic example of a "life is rich and full" moment. 

Back to Reality!

This weekend was nice and relaxing.  It was rejuvenating to be surrounded by nature (something other than houses and concrete) and just plain sereneness.  Now it's back to reality for a little while.  Here's what's going on:

Since it's doppelganger week, where you change your profile picture on facebook to a celebrity that people tell you that you look like!  I always get Carrie Fisher (Princess Leia from Star Wars).  

Which I've gotten that we look practically like twins...

On a sadder note, Bubba our fish died.  He lived to be about one year and two months.  He was Mike and I's first pet, so he was always more than just a fish to us.  We came home and gave him a proper funeral/flushing to say good bye.   

I got a new header/template.  I'm still trying to figure out how to make it flush with the rest of the body.  Any tips or hints would be really helpful!  

Thought of the Day

I had one of those moments where the music I was listening to perfectly connected to the world outside of you.  It was about 9:40, I was freezing on my walk to class but was happy and at ease because I was listening to the Pride and Prejudice soundtrack (Your Hands Are Cold) and felt wonderfully stuck in the moment.  I really love those music to real life connections...oh and Pride and Prejudice in general :)

I Believe

I believe...

I believe in when choosing a vocation, service is more important than making money.

I believe in a hot cup of tea when I'm sick.

I believe that simple is always better.

I believe in karma.  Not in the sense that I'm accumulating good in order to be reborn in a good realm, which is the Buddhist belief.  But always practicing kindness and goodness.

I believe that hockey is more entertaining in person than on television.

I believe in being weird.
I believe in soul mates.  Not because of fate, but because of choice.

I believe in learning, not education, but learning.  Learning transforms anyone who is genuinely interested in building character, gaining understanding and passionate about their subject matter.  Therefore, I believe your education is in your own hands.

I believe it's an honor to be poor and happy with someone else.  (Listen to "Free" by the Zac Brown Band)
I believe that no matter how much chocolate I will eat, I will never get fat from it.

I believe in family first.

I believe that it takes more than love in a relationship to work.  It takes love, respect and communication.

I believe in getting mail.  Always have and always will.

I believe in the power of a good book to make your day a good one.

I believe in not wearing make up everyday. 

I believe in not watching television if you can help it.  There are so many other great and/or productive things you could spend your time doing.  Besides, isn't reality tv mindless anyways?

I believe in country music and it's reflection of the true and simple human spirit.

I believe in reflective walks outside. 

I believe in something greater than myself. 

I believe in peace and accepting, not war.

Most of all I believe in God, love and happiness and the powers they has to transform people.

Please send me your own "I Believe" lists to empatterson55@gmail.com to be posted as a guest post.

Thanks to Cortny for the inspiration/direction of this post.

*Photo taken by Patrick Patterson

T- Six Days Until Christmas

Today was lovely.

I spent the first part of the day sleeping in.

Then I shared Mexican food with Katie.

Then Mike and I spent several long hours doing last minute Christmas shopping in the snow.

When we came back we cooked a Christmas dinner of Cheese Toretelini, red peppers, dieced ham sauted in brown butter with my Mike's favorite sides: bread and kool-aid.  

We finished the day off by watching Julie & Julia (which inspired me to not be lazy and blog today) and Mike convincing me that I don't need to study any further today.  

What a perfect day.
Also, I was reading Nie Nie's blog and I thought it was really sweet that they stayed in the "Miss Nielson" sweet.  So I was curious if there was any kind of Adler (Patterson too!) suite that Mike and I could theoretically stay at and there's one in Newport, Rhode Island!  The room is called "The South of France Chief Adler Suite".

P.S. Only a few more days and I will have a new camera to add wonderful pictures to my future blog post.  

New Favorite Blog!

Naomi and her husband taken by polaroid. 

I used to believe that blogs that involved polaroid pictures and tea parties are cheesy or were trying too hard.  Now I just realize they are passionate about life.  I adore this woman's passion for life.  Cheers!

*Photo from here.

The Dreaded Christmas Photo Shoot.

Thanksgiving break means everyone is in one place, meaning Thanksgiving break is the time for the ever so dreaded Christmas card photo shoot.  Props include: cats, wreaths, leaves, blankets and sometimes Lauren combined with "the perfect sunlight" and a wicker bench.  This has been the common theme for that past 5-6 years. I wonder if we will still be doing this photo shoot when were 30.  The photo shoot is preceded by a 2 hour makeup/ hair session that never seems to turn tame the random whisp of hair that look like beard growth.  Once my mom inspects us over to check for normal clothing selection and good hair/makeup preparation, we go out to take the pictures.  What ensues is 30 minutes to one hour of Lauren squealing, making comments about my "Ann of Green Gable" sweater, chasing after the cat, phony smiles, squinty eyes and poking each other.  It always takes much longer than needed due to the silliness.  The photo shoot usually occurs twice because my mom never likes the first batch.  Good thing I didn't have awkward short hair this year.  

Picture with cat as a prop.

Lauren's thoughts about the photo shoot: "Am I going through my awkward stage Emily?"

Note: the untamed, creeping hair on Alicia's cheek.

Alicia's thoughts about the photo shoot: "You can probably see mom's face creeping in the window in every picture."

Blinking, squinting, and cheese ball smiles all around.

My thoughts about the photo shoot: I'm going to a tie-dye Christmas card photo shoot when I get married and have kids.

The winner?

So when you get your copy this Christmas season, please enjoy and appreciate the masterful art of the modeling, photography and placement of the props.  

Life Update

1) Thursday Night I saw the new addition to the Twilight saga, New Moon.  It was Kelsy's 20th birthday (Happy Birthday Kelsy!).  I'm officially on Team Jacob after seeing that movie though.  Edward Cullen is pale and scrawny compared to Jacob.  

2) Friday Night was Cortny's first Yost experience!  At the last minute, she came down for her first UM hockey game at home.  I hope she enjoyed her time filled with cheers and band music sans drum sets.  

3) Katie (Mike's oldest sister) is currently driving home to Michigan (permanently). She gets home on Monday!  Hopefully I get to see her sometime over Thanksgiving Break.

4) My camera is still unfortunately missing in action.  You may have noticed that lack of creative photography lately, my apologies.  However, if is still missing come Black Friday, I'm going to brave the packed isles of Best Buy or Target to buy myself a new Fujifilm J38 (it has panorama view!).

5) I am reading a wonderful book called, Dear John, given to me by a friend.  I was at first hesitant because of reading previous Nicholas Sparks (someone ALWAYS dies), however, I can say I'm pleasantly surprised by this one so far.

6) Black Bean Salsa + Peperjack Cheese + A Burger = Delicious.  Dad, you would be proud of my food experimenting.  But as well all know, beans make everything much more delicious.  Try some today.  

That's it for now!  I'm heading off to the Dollar Movie Theatre to enjoy a lovely evening with Mike.  

Cortny and I at UM vs. Bowling Green hockey game at Yost.

*Photos taken by Mike Adler and Theresa

This week according to Life

This week was filled with:

Mike and Max cuddling on the couch.  

Sick Boys

+

Native American Dresses

+

Dinner Dates with good friends (and mom)

+

This coding stuff frustrates me to no end.
Netlogo Coding

+

A sum of all the good country music missing from my life, thanks Cort.
Country Music

My tummy was filled with:

Black bean salsa & delicious, chocolaty treats

I wish it had included more:
-Spooky Halloweenish things
-Patience
-Inspiration for my blog
-More studying

I am looking forward to celebrating Halloween with some of my famous people.